Just Give Me A Reason....

Hello out there in blogland... I know its been a while.. (as usual....lol) But I have been around reading everyone blogs but just did not what to blog about. I have not been able to really focus on much since my husband and I decided to take some time apart. His choice not mine. It has really been hard for me and as he says for him as well. But I am not sure how hard it is when it is all up to him.

I will admit I was probably not the best wife in the world and there are many things I wish I could change and I am willing to do so but right now he just doesn't have it in him to try. We have been through this before but not to this extent. It has been a bit over two months and I am not sure how much longer I can handle this. I have good days and bad ones. Today is a bad one. I am trying to just work on me and let him work on himself. But I miss him. I miss being held, I miss being loved, I miss sleeping next to him. I miss it ALL!

He is all I have ever known since I was 19.  He has been my life since then. I don't know how to go from day to day with out him.. I know I can and I have but I am realizing I am not as strong as I thought I was.

I never thought at 36 I might have to start over. And I am terrified....I don't how to do anything. I have never been on my own until now and I am trying to deal but like I said I have good days and bad ones. I have a wonderful support system with my family and my friends but sometimes I just feel totally alone. I just want my husband back.

I am trying to back off him and not smother him with me pleading and that I will change, because it is not going to help. So I am just trying to make it day to day and become a better me. That is all I can do right now and hope that things work out.

Anyway if anyone is still reading this THANK YOU.

I'm sure this post is really all over the place but I needed to get it all out of my head...




Comments

  1. I am "here" and I am sending you much virtual love. My heart aches for you and please know I am here, listening and willing to listen. Hugs.

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  2. You're strong than what you think you are. Hang in there & pray. God never gives you more than you can handle. ""hugs""

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  3. Ugh- that is the worst! I have to tell you- my ex decided on a break and then I ended up even happier than him. And it happened the same way for my mom. I hope things work out the way you want them to, but just try to remember to focus on yourself too!

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  4. I'm sorry that you are going through this tough time. The only advice I can offer you is to lead by example and work on improving the things that you think will improve your relationship. You can never force someone to stay/come back/etc, but by continuing to work on yourself you can make it easier for him to make that decision on his own. Good luck and I wish you the best :)

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