I will admit I was probably not the best wife in the world and there are many things I wish I could change and I am willing to do so but right now he just doesn't have it in him to try. We have been through this before but not to this extent. It has been a bit over two months and I am not sure how much longer I can handle this. I have good days and bad ones. Today is a bad one. I am trying to just work on me and let him work on himself. But I miss him. I miss being held, I miss being loved, I miss sleeping next to him. I miss it ALL!
He is all I have ever known since I was 19. He has been my life since then. I don't know how to go from day to day with out him.. I know I can and I have but I am realizing I am not as strong as I thought I was.
I never thought at 36 I might have to start over. And I am terrified....I don't how to do anything. I have never been on my own until now and I am trying to deal but like I said I have good days and bad ones. I have a wonderful support system with my family and my friends but sometimes I just feel totally alone. I just want my husband back.
I am trying to back off him and not smother him with me pleading and that I will change, because it is not going to help. So I am just trying to make it day to day and become a better me. That is all I can do right now and hope that things work out.
Anyway if anyone is still reading this THANK YOU.
I'm sure this post is really all over the place but I needed to get it all out of my head...