Wednesday, April 18, 2012
As I sit here and think about writing a post I have so many things going through my head. As I mentioned in my earlier post I have been feeling really down lately and still have no clue what to do. I get overwhelmed easily, get upset and or mad even more easily and wish I knew how to get control over my life.
I often wonder how does one even begin to be happy. I am not saying I'm not happy at times but am more often really unhappy and I have no idea why. I WANT to be happy, I really do. I don't even know what happened. I don't want to be the bitchy/negative one. I really don't know how keep my thoughts or comments to myself. I guess it is easier to put someone else down than actually look at myself. I hate that I am always saying the wrong thing and getting people mad at me or whatever. I really don't know how to just be happy, cheerful and just be liked for me..
After looking at notes and cards I gave Steve early in our relationship and wonder what happened to that girl. Have I really changed in 14 years?? Or is that what happens when you become comfortable in a marriage? I sometimes wish I could go back to the early days. There are so many things I would love to fix.
And I am truly disgusted with myself for not sticking with WW and gaining all but 8 or so lbs back. I can only imagine how much I would have lost if I had kept it up.... Literally just thinking about it makes me want to burst out in tears. Which at this point is not that hard...
I just don't know.. I don't want anyone to think I am anything but wanting to better myself. =)
That is all for now...