Friday, October 15, 2010

I do....Wait....No I Don't.....




I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part..... Or until I decide I don't want to be married anymore....

I believe in marriage and what it stands for. I believe you should try to work out the issues you have between your husband or wife. But I also believe that if one partner is not willing to work then you should move on.

I have several friends that have either had to make the choice to end their marriages or had the choice made for them. Two of these friends had the same issue, their husbands were workaholics and neither husband was willing to work on their relationships. But one made the decision and the other had it made for her. Neither situation was easy I am sure.

She is about to be divorced in a few weeks...I am really sad about this. Yes I know it doesn't have anything to do with me but I really wanted them to be together forever. They in my eyes were perfect. Or so I thought... I really want to go and punch him and tell him what a mistake he is making, because he totally is, but I really don't think it would do any good....

The other friend however has been divorced for 8 years. And here are some of her thoughts on her marriage....

Looking back, I am SO glad I did it! I have no regrets or bad feelings about it because I got it out of the way at an early age and learned from my mistake (yes, it was still a bad decision). My next marriage (if it ever happens) will be forever. Which leads me to my thoughts on marriage today...

1. Everyone is entitled to a failed first attempt. It's like practice. The 2nd one should last forever. This doesn't mean that the first one won't last forever, but I'm just saying... the 2nd one should be forever at that point. Lessons learned.
2. The divorce rate is so high at this point, I would think that people would be smart enough to do a pre-nuptual agreement.
3. I believe a successful marriage is based on 100% honesty, and complete full disclosure (open communication at all times), and of course TRUE LOVE!
4. The later in life you wait to get married (30's, 40's, etc.), I think the success rate will be much higher (whether it's the first or second attempt).
5. When you marry someone, you should have gotten everything out of your system! This was a mistake I made getting married so young... and THANK GOD I had the last eight years to enjoy so many opportunities and experiences I would have NEVER had if I was still with that idiot.
6. Don't have kids until you have a life plan together... years together under your belt, financial stability, and understand that this child will NOT be the glue that holds together your relationship. Kids are NOT a reason to stay together in a bad relationship. Chose your child's mother/father carefully... it's your choice, not theirs.
7. If the marriage has problems, FIX THEM EARLY! Go to therapy together, and individually. You took a vow "for better or for worse", so honor it (for God's sake).
8. When you've come to the realization that you picked the wrong person on your first attempt (like I did), GET THE HELL OUT OF IT! Before you waste time, and wind up cheating on your spouse, or having kids (or more kids), cut your losses and move on!


Both of these women are heroes to me. They are the strongest people I know. I could not have gone through it and been the same after. Well I probably could have but it would have taken me along time to get over it.

I'm glad have other friends who marriages give me faith that love does exist in marriage....While the others show me that love sometimes might not be all there is...
But then I do have to remember that life is not always a fairy tale.....

Monday, October 11, 2010

Just the way you are.....


Yesterday was my Sorority sister Bettiann's wedding. It was a lovely day and an even better evening. She was gorgeous and everything was breath taking.... and as I watched her and her new husband she looked so happy and like it was just them in the world, no one else around. It started me thinking about my wedding day....

That day I was the happiest I think I had ever been.. I had married my soul mate and the day went off with only minor issues... I have often thought about what I could have done different or compared it to others, only to make myself feel sad that it was not as beautiful or whatever. I have this tendency to let what other people do or think shape who I am or think I should be.

Every time I looked at them dancing I couldn't help myself from wishing I could have my day all over again. I want to be that happy again. But I have alot of working on my self before I can be that happy again. So I have decided for the millionth time to get off my ass and start working on me. Not for any one else.....

But for me.